Hillside Fellowship Church

When we were in Oregon I really wanted to visit a Vineyard Church while we were there. I did find one in Portland, but it would have been a 30-45 minute drive to get there from Aurora and after all the other driving we had already done we were feeling like another drive would suck and we wanted to go some where closer.

Shane's neighbors across the street have been doing a non-denominational church thing for a little while and they meet at the American Legion on Main Street in Aurora. I was reluctant because I knew it would be pretty small, we hadn't met his neighbors and we wouldn't be able to blend in. Everyone would know we were visiting. I know it's funny that I mention that, but as an introvert I really prefer that attention not be directed to me. In the end we decided we were both desperate for Jesus (not because the trip was bad but more because we hadn't been able to listen to Christian music or really talk about Jesus or faith, except with Adi when she brought him up, which was always a welcomed conversation from my perspective. I love talking about Jesus with Adi, and trust me, she likes to ask lots of questions about him. It's marvelous!

So off we go on our 3 block jaunt to church Sunday morning. When we got to Hillside Fellowship Church we were about 8 minutes early and no one else was there except Brian the worship leader, Zach the pastor (and neighbor) and a woman setting up who didn't tell us her name (shame on me for not asking --- I was nervous). We were so grateful that Zach greeted us as soon as he realized we were there. We chatted, met Brian and before long several others had arrived. I didn't do a head count but I'd say including children there were about 3o people there, give or take a few. It was teeny. But very homey.

They did things a bit different. We didn't worship until after the teaching which felt strange at first but it was totally amazing and well worth the wait. The teaching felt more like a bible study (which is how the church got it's roots) and it was fabulous. Zach acknowledged Cam and I during his teaching (and it felt OK - we were honored), he was animated, anointed and full of life. At the end while we were praying for the community they prayed for a safe return trip for us back to Iowa, again we were honored. We learned so much in such a short time. We took the super long way home so we could talk more about how God was stirring in us. Cam calls it the highlight of the trip. It was that good.

This experience gave me hope and inspired me. It showed me that a church doesn't have to be big to be alive (not that my church is that big at around 200). As I've gotten bits and pieces of feeling like I will one day be involved in a church plant, I felt like attending Hillside Fellowship was very much a part of God's plan to show me what a church in it's early phases can look like and I feel a lot less nervous about being a part of something like that some day when the time is right.

So I thank God for my trip to Oregon. I thank God for my family and for positioning Shane and his family exactly where they are. For connecting a few dots and leading Cam and I into an experience well worth telling about. I pray for God's favor on Hillside Fellowship Church, for more people to experience Jesus through them and blessing on their ministry, in Jesus' name.

Advent Conspiracy

If you decide to spend less and give more but don't know where or how, here are a couple of my favorite organizations:

World Vision
Samaritans Purse

Giving and Ressurection

On Friday night Adi and I went out to dinner with my parents to a local restaurant. We traditionally have dinner with them on Friday nights, pretty much ever since Adi was a new born. As we left the restaurant, they had one of those cardboard boxes with lollipops sticking out and a quarter slot to donate to whatever cause it's representing. There was a couple there with an adorable little boy who so badly wanted one of those lollipops but his parents didn't have a quarter. If you are a parent or can recall being a child desiring candy you know what a big deal this can be. I wished I had a quarter to give them but I had no change, but my dad did. And he didn't even hesitate to give the child's mother the quarter just as his father went back into the restaurant to get change.

When I talk about the feeling I get when I have been so blessed that I have an opportunity to give, I don't even think about what that might look like from the outside. But Friday night I got to see it in my father. He absolutely glowed as he handed that quarter to this family, a small gift but so deeply appreciated. And my dad instantly became joyful! And as we left the entryway he looked back in time to see the father come out and wave to him in thanks. My dad glowed, and I felt proud to have him as my father, and to have him as Adi's Papa, leading by example. It was such a small event but it somehow felt like it was much bigger than it seemed. I saw this smile on my dads face, and witnessed a genuine connection between him and these strangers as he reached out to them in kindness. It was beautiful.

OK, so I was completely inspired and had Saturday all planned out to be a great family day full of giving cheer as we prepared the Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes together... as a family. Here's what really went down:

Cam was irritated that I didn't wrap the shoe boxes ahead of time, because to be honest wrapping the box and lid separately is kind of challenging and time consuming. Something a 3 1/2 year old doesn't readily engage in, unless you count bonking mommy on the head repeatedly with a wrapping paper roll while mommy wraps the boxes as engagement. It kept her from steeling the gifts that were divided into individual bags according to age group and hiding them under chairs while giggling hysterically. Kinda cute and funny but not when I'm trying to also keep scissors and tape away from her so she doesn't stab someone (Mojo) or waste what little tape we have on taping the boxes shut (not exactly the idea behind wrapping lids separately!)

So where was Cam during all of this? I told him to go away after acting grumpy which threatened to ruin my holiday cheer. His tolerance level was low and I can handle either grumpy hubby or wild and crazy child but not both at the same time.

Some time later, maybe around box three of six --- there's no magic in the number 6, there were 3 age groups to choose from and both boys and girls so I chose to bless all six --- so Cam comes upstairs to inform me that there's cat puke and poop on the rug downstairs. Great, thanks for telling me.

When I finally get done, all boxes wrapped and packed (this took at least a couple of hours) I decided I'd go clean up the rug. Wrong! Cam had thrown the area rug, poop and puke and all outside in our breezeway. I had no idea of knowing where poop was originally or puke for that matter so essentially the entire rug is ruined because I don't have a carpet steamer/cleaner to clean the entire thing. By now, I'm furious because Cam didn't just either clean the crap up himself and use spot cleaner to save our rug or just wait for me to take care of it. Instead, he spazzed out and virtually throws our rug away.I was so pissed I told Cam to call our friends whom we had plans with later that evening to tell them not to come. On top of that, I realized that part of the reason I was so upset and now bawling was because I had PMS, which meant that once again for yet another month I am not pregnant. This sets me off every month and often causes a downward spiral in my mind. Sheer crappiness.

So after Adi went to bed and I was downstairs enjoying a much deserved beer, I kept eying Adi's easel which we had set up earlier in the day for her to paint (she chose to paint a burning bush, yep, the Moses kind - ha ha). I'd take a look at the easel and then look back at the t.v. that I wasn't really paying attention to because I was too irritated to do much of anything. Finally I decided I would paint. A few days ago I found photographs of the last two pieces of art I did and I realized a lot of things about my 12 year artistic quiet period... then decided it was time to break the artistic silence.

I just started painting. On regular paper. Using washable acrylic red, orange, green and blue. I had nothing in mind, just started painting freely and it was like therapy that kept getting better and better as I went. Finally Cam says, "it looks like a peacock" and of course that irritated me and I snapped, "it's not a peacock!" because it wasn't anything. But as I stopped and looked at it I realized that we were both right in a way. It wasn't a peacock but it was a bird... in the end I had painted a phoenix. I couldn't believe it.

The phoenix is a mythical bird that represents rebirth and resurrection. After living hundreds of years it engulfs itself in flames and rises again from its ashes. It is immortal. For me, it is connected to who I am in so many ways. I'm sure I've mentioned before that my name Stacey comes from Anastasia which means "resurrection". Once I saw what I had painted, not setting out to paint anything in particular I realized how close God is right now. That He sees me and is guiding me and He knows me. God took my crappy day and redeemed it.

Operation Christmas Child

A couple of years ago part of our Christmas celebration with Cam's family was to each choose a paper angel - I think it was for Salvation Army. Each angel represented a child in need in that community. We had so much fun wandering through the store searching for the right gift(s) for our 'angel'. It was so exciting, so invigorating, and so fun! For me, it was way better than receiving any gift. I felt so full of love and joy. I don't fully understand how giving can be such a blessing, but amazing life and light shines through this simple act. This is my favorite adult Christmas memory.

So this year I've been hearing about Operation Christmas Child on the radio and have longed to pack a shoe box to donate to the cause but have been held back by the incorrect belief that I would have to take the box to another city where the radio station is located! I don't know why I thought that. So this morning I had a eureka moment when the dj announced that by simply going to the website I could type in my zip code and find a convenient drop off location near me! Wooo hoooo! First thing I got online and found out that the drop off place is about 4 blocks from my house!! I can't believe it and I'm so freakin excited I can hardly stand it. I want to have a shoe box party or something :)

So the deadline to drop off shoe boxes is Monday and my plan is to spend some time on Saturday doing this as a family and teaching Adi about giving. We've already sent our sponsor child Nomsa a Christmas package and now we get to make shoe boxes full of love and gifts that a child somewhere would not have had otherwise! I can't think of a better way to teach Adi about giving. If you want more info about doing the same you can click on one of the links above or visit Samaritan's Purse website. May this be a season full of giving, life and love.

Off to Mazatlan

Tomorrow Cam departs for his first mission trip to Mazatlan, Mexico. This is a huge deal for him as he's felt it on his heart to do mission work for the past year or so. In many ways this is a dream come true for Cam. He really wanted me to go with him, but for a number of reasons it didn't work out:

1. Money is always an issue (the trip costs $900 and Cam put all of his birthday money toward it and a few others helped out as well but the rest came out of our pockets. If you are interested in helping fund this mission trip you can visit First Giving to donate. If you've visited before you might notice that the total raised off-line has been significantly reduced - that's because we had previously included the amount we had saved on our own and I've updated it to reflect the total that has actually been donated.)
2. Though I'm on my 3 month contractual leave from work and don't have to try to get time off, we weren't able to make arrangements for someone to care for Adi while we would be gone
3. In addition to finding someone to care for Adi we would have needed to find someone to care for our 2 cats, Bella & Mojo as well as our dog, Ihry and all our little fishes
4. I'm completely paranoid about both of us traveling together and the plane going down, therefore leaving Adi with no parents - it's the truth
5. I still hope to be pregnant some day and as we planned we weren't sure if it would be safe to travel to Mexico while pregnant if God blessed us with pregnancy by the time of the trip, which He has not (we're still waiting on you, Lord)
6. To be perfectly honest I would do better on a mission trip with a different mission. I'm not a huge fan of Western medicine, and while it certainly has it's time and place, I don't think pharmaceuticals offer a long term answer to many health issues people are afflicted by (for example: heartburn). I believe that God created perfect nutrition to achieve perfect health... eating that way is the hard part. So honestly, I'd rather share God's love in other ways, by praying, teaching, and loving those in need. I know that's going to sound super snotty to many people and honestly I've never been there so I don't know what these people are afflicted by or how easily they could acquire proper nutrition so ultimately I'm at a loss here. It's just how I feel. This is where Cam is probably cringing at my honesty and thinking I said too much!

So today Cam and I were completely moved, blessed, and encouraged in a way we hadn't previously known possible. We decided to enjoy some coffee at the Java House to spend some adult time together while Adi was at preschool. A friend of ours from church was there and before this friend left, out of nowhere, they handed Cam $50 to use as he saw fit on the trip. It felt like such a big deal, someone handing over their hard earned money in the name of Jesus to support the mission.

It didn't end there. When we got the mail there was an envelope from one of Cam's co-workers. She's a single woman who lives simply and modestly on her own. We expected to see a note of encouragement, which is precisely what we received. What we did not expect was the $150 check she included. She felt God asking her to bless Cam with this money (which felt like such a huge sum considering her circumstances) in order to encourage him on this mission. Let me just say that both of us cried. Yes, we did. Even Cam. We tried to smooth it over a bit because Adi didn't know what was going on so I had the opportunity to teach her another life lesson about how sometimes we cry when we are so incredibly happy.

$200 in one day may not sound like a lot to most, but it was a big deal to us. It was God's provision in a way we've never experienced it before and we were at a loss for words. Only praise for our Lord and the path he's leading Cam on. Maybe someday I'll be on the same path.

Adi's Prayer

Yesterday as Adi and I were playing around. She's really into role playing, so I was a sick patient and she the doctor. She was using a miniature Orange Crush bottle (remember that stuff? mmmmm goooood) to administer my medicine. But it wasn't enough to just pretend I was drinking medicine from the bottle - Adi wanted me to have the cap and top portion of the neck in my mouth. All of a sudden the doc decided I had enough and ripped the bottle out of my mouth (luckily it's plastic) and conked my teeth on the way out. It wasn't painful, but certainly wasn't pleasant either. That put an end to the medicine game and I did all of the explaining why what she did was dangerous, etc...

At bed time (which has been, let's say... a challenge lately) Adi surprised me with a prayer. For me. For my teeth! Completely unprovoked, Adi said, "God, please bless my mommy's teeth". Then she turned to me and put her hand on my mouth and repeated her prayer as tears rolled down my cheeks. Oh, the glorious joy of being prayed for by my 3 year old daughter. It was phenomenal. I don't think I can really express how stunningly beautiful it was.

Grace Like Rain

So a couple of weekends ago Cam and I were blessed with some unexpected time with our niece, Keely. This was the first time that we spent time just with Keely and not her sisters Tori and Elleh. I think it was pretty natural for her to be a bit more reserved than she might otherwise be, but she adores Adi and the love is mutual so our drive from Iowa City to Williamsburg turned from me telling stories about George (Curious George that is) looking for us or Cody Maverick and Big Z (Surf's Up characters - Adi loves penguins) snowboarding to catch up with us to Adi and Keely quietly and nicely playing and giggling in the back seat together.

Now I know this is not how siblings always interact, but it warmed my heart to think that perhaps some day Adi would be the "big sister" and she would be able to interact that way with a younger sibling. Age difference has been a concern of mine and seeing Adi who is almost 3 and Keely who is 7 1/2 together was enlightening. If Adi is 4 or 5 years older than her next sibling, it will be OK. It will be wonderful. It will be fun, not only for her but for her sibling. My worries about age difference were put to ease and a smile was put on my face.

As we neared the Burg we were listening to 101.9 (yeah, the cheesy one - Air1 doesn't come in over there) and Todd Agnew's song Grace Like Rain came on the radio. Much to our surprise (and joy) Keely started belting out the lyrics. She knew all of them! It was so much fun to sing out loud to a Christian song playing on the radio with our niece and Adi humming along. My heart melted and I really did feel God's presence there in the van with us as we sang our praises. It was beautiful!

Thank you Keely, for opening my heart, my eyes, my mind and giving me a glimpse of the future. Lovely.

Can You Say...

"Can you say, God bless Adi!" my sick, stuffy nosed princess desperately cried out to me last night as she was trying to sleep. Her nose was so stuffed that she couldn't breathe out of it at all, which is a nightmare for a thumb sucker. I guess she's used to hearing me cry out to God or Jesus in times of trial and she wanted me to pray on her behalf.

Of course, I did. And before I even knew what had happened her nose was clear enough to breathe through until she fell asleep. The stuffiness came back later, but the faith that God hears us when we cry out remains - instilled in my child at the ripe age of 2 years 10 months. I thank God that in Adilyn's suffering, she knows to cry out to Jesus for relief - and that in the midst of fevers, chills, sweats, headaches, coughs and runny/stuffy noses, Jesus revealed himself to us.

Who's Your Best Friend?

Last week my mom shared with me that Adi had told her she was her best friend. This, of course, made her feel like a million bucks! So the other night at bath time I decided to ask Adi if Nana was her best friend. She replied, "No, Nana is my buddy." "Oh," my wheels were turning as I wondered who had taken the number one spot.

She had been playing with kids from church, so I asked, "then who's your best friend?" I was fishing for maybe Caedon, Max, Jonas... or heck, maybe she even decided that I was worthy of being her best friend. The response I received was the best response imaginable, "Jesus is my best friend!" She said it with such excitement and joy that I believed her and I rejoiced along with her, "that's Right! Jesus is your best friend!" I couldn't have chosen a better best friend myself ;)

Yesterday when I got home from work I gave Adi a big hug and plopped her down on my lap while she watched the end of her PBS show. I just love to cuddle and be close after being gone all day. I was simply soaking in the moment when she suddenly turned to me and said, "Oh. I forgot - I love you mommy. I love you so much!" My heart was melted once again by my little Miss Adilyn Rose as she turned to give me a grand hug. Oh how I love being a mommy.

Jesus' Birthday

We tried so hard to really emphasize Christmas as Jesus' birthday for Adi. Though she's just a 2 1/2 year old, I think our efforts payed off.

Christmas morning the bud on our ancient Christmas cactus given to us by Cam's great-grandmother was in full bloom. For days Adi and I have been watching the bud, gently stroking it and blessing it. When Adi saw it in full bloom she excitedly ran over to it and nestled in to admire it. Then she asked me, "did God make it?" and I replied, "yes, honey, God made it". I've been teaching her a bit about things made by God, and things made by humans. She decided that morning that I was wrong, or more certainly she was testing me as she responded to my affirmation, "No, I made it!" Ha ha. Little doodle :)

When we were finally ready to go downstairs to open presents Adi proclaimed that we were opening presents that God was sharing with us! I just loved having God and Jesus so present in our Christmas celebration. I don't think I had that as a child but it is so heart warming to hear Adi talk about them throughout the day. Now I just have to figure out how to teach her about the Holy Spirit!

After opening gifts, including one from our much down played version of Santa, we baked a birthday cake together as a family for Jesus. Adi loves to help in the kitchen in any way possible so it turned out to be a fun and tricky endeavor as we guarded the butter from tiny hands that like to snag a "taste" the size of a walnut and tried half-heartedly to keep her from eating the cake batter once the raw eggs were added (half-heartedly because I have a most likely false sense of security surrounding our free-range organic eggs...)

Hearing Adi tell family members that we baked a birthday cake for Jesus was a joy for me. They may have thought we were a tad weird or maybe going overboard, but I feel like putting Jesus first on His birthday is the only way for our family to celebrate.

Oh Sweet Jesus!

I can not believe what a roller coaster I've been on over the past several days. I've gone from angry at God and blaming Him for all my shortcomings, having complete sobbing meltdowns, doubting my ability to parent, feeling like I don't deserve another child, questioning whether I have any faith at all, being shattered into a zillion tiny pieces (most of this happened Saturday and Sunday morning!) to a place of peace and joy. Which leads me to wonder if I'm a complete psychopath!!

Well, blessed be the name of the Lord for He has spoken into my life through a wonderful ministry time at a friends house yesterday afternoon. God reminded me that when I was suffering, he was there. He encouraged me to continue praying and not to give up - which is exactly where I was... about to give up. Jesus picked up every last one of the zillion pieces scattered about and held them in His hands as He lovingly put them back together - and then He blessed them. He encouraged my marriage, gave me permission to rest and reminded me to trust. And there was so much more that I'm still processing. How miraculous and glorious is our God. I stand in awe.

This morning a bittersweet joy arrived with the start of my period. It's so odd to feel joyous when my period finally comes after each miscarriage - it's a sign that my body has healed and I get a fresh start when any other period just means that I'm not pregnant. So 7 to 10 days from now I will undergo the infamously invasive and horrifying dye test... no matter how invasive or how horrifying the test might be I'm grateful to be having it. And I'm choosing to go into it knowing that God gave me lemons and I'm going to make lemonade!!