In the midst of the six month program I had my second miscarriage. Coping with the loss made it nearly impossible for me to do any more than the bare minimum. My studies were compromised and my desire to do anything career related fizzled. I put on the "I'm OK" face and plowed through, somehow (by the grace of God) managed to pass my board exams eight months after I completed my course work. That was one year ago.
Not long after I finished school I was offered a new permanent position at Pearson; between benefits and a considerable pay raise I simply could not turn it down. So the "plan" was adjusted so that I could work full-time and do massage therapy part-time. Within weeks of accepting the new position life's waves crashed over me once again and four months later another blast. Four lost pregnancies and the mere idea of giving anyone at all a massage felt exhausting, constricting. People don't just get over stuff like that. I'm still coming out of my "grief coma" - sometimes in leaps sometimes in creeps.
A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night. I didn't want to be awake. Not a surprise. But what was a surprise was what felt like God asking me to do something. It felt nagging, irritating, and I tried to brush it off. But I couldn't sleep. Finally I said, "Fine. If I can sleep now, I'll do it." Seconds later I was fast asleep. So now I have to do what I was told: the application for my Iowa Bodywork and Massage license is in the mail.
The bible is full of stories of God asking his people to do things they don't want to do. Again and again, those who say yes are blessed abundantly. I hope I heard right. I hope for God's blessing. I often ask God to bless me, "just because he loves me". It's time to return the favor.
1 comment:
Thanks for listening. Some people don't.
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