1-2-3

Over the last several weeks I've been struggling with anger and frustration of not being pregnant. It seems that every month we try at the right times and yet here we are, six months after the OK to try again after the last miscarriage and no pregnancy. I know that six months of trying really isn't that long, but really we've been trying since Adi was about 9 months old so in reality we've been on this roller coaster for over 2 years now.



A few weeks ago I had a series of dreams that were related to pregnancy. In the midst of those dreams was one with a very different tone. It was God's voice which said, "My kingdom come, my will be done on earth as it is in heaven." This was really profound and powerful to hear, and to be honest it was scary. What does that mean? Is Jesus coming back soon and this is my warning? But isn't it always true that Jesus is coming back soon - it's all relative.

Anyway, when I got my period it became more clear to me that the dream was a reminder that God heard my prayers about growing our family but I needed to know first that His will be done. It was a message intended to carry me through the darkness and disappointment that crushed me when my period came just after what felt like such hope (my dreams about being pregnant). That was message #1.

To clarify, I often find that messages from God come in sets of three. When I hear a message three times it really solidifies that message for me. It's only been through experiences that this has proven to be extremely profound in my relationship with God.

So message #2 came in a radio broadcast on my way to CR to help my brother move. I don't remember the exact words, but in short: when we're in a dark place and it seems like everything sucks and is going against us, we can take heart in knowing that God is in that, doing His thing and "making arrangements" for us. God's work is just as active in our dark times as it is in our bright and joyous times.

Once I heard that message I knew it was connected to the first. God gave me hope through the dreams and when my hope felt crushed the spoken message (also a dream) kept my head above water. So now I hear this and begin to understand that God really is at work and patience is once again the lesson at hand as I consciously chose to wait for the third message.

I didn't have to wait long. In the Sunday service Ali B-G did the teaching and I'd have to go back and listen again for the exact words but I just clung to a piece of the teaching - that God is working in His time, according to His plan. That we have to wait on Him, if we didn't we might miss what He has in store for us. It was number three and I was so stirred, so shaken. It's hard to explain the emotions I felt when I came to understand. God's almighty power is hard at work even when it feels like He's completely forgotten me.