Worship

I have loved music my entire life. I used to memorize songs by Madonna and then once I had lead vocals memorized I would memorize the backup too. I started writing songs in elementary school - I studied song structure from the insert in the cassette case and wrote... I must have written dozens.



Then I held an audition at my house with several other girls from school, I was going to create a girl band, just like the boy bands (NKOTB) I totally thought girls could do it better. HA ha! It never went anywhere but I still think it's hilarious that I tried at such a young age, I must have been 10 or 11! And I just remember the passion I had for singing (though never very well) and how I would love to go outside on warm rainy days and sing in the rain. My personal form of worship.



I always had the desire to play piano, guitar and other musical instruments but I was also a gymnast and my family couldn't afford for me to do both. I chose gymnastics over music lessons because I could still listen to music and sing. Then we fell on harder times and I had to give up gymnastics too. But I still had my music.



In junior high I wanted to be in the show choir. Everyone had to take choir class but show choir was optional. I auditioned but failed miserably. I was crushed. I remember so clearly trying to read the sheet music and sing the right tone but getting distracted by other voices and I just couldn't follow a tune. I was so frustrated!! I knew I could have done it if I'd had time to study it, to memorize it. But we didn't get that option and I didn't get a spot in the show choir :(



I continued to write in high school, though I moved more toward poetry and concentrated heavily on art. My senior year consisted of a required math class, an elective abnormal psychology class and several art classes! I loved it. I did art all day long. I decided then that I wanted to be an art teacher (which never happened but I've always been a teacher at heart).



When I first came to church I cried and cried and didn't know why. Little did I know that the Holy Spirit was preparing my heart to accept Jesus. Cam immediately wanted to listen to Christian radio which drove me completely insane! I hated it. Much of it was cheesy and awful. Slowly God changed my heart and I began to thirst for more worship, not just on Sunday and I found that in Christian radio. Now instead of only one station I have three to choose from so if I don't like a song, I just push a button :)



Cam and I have always been fans of live music and we saw a Christian band called Third Day last summer. I remember after the show I was so inspired, alive and my heart just said, "I want to do that!" But I immediately told myself that I can't sing worship songs without crying and would never be able to do that!



I've had dreams with worship songs that I knew I should write down but I dismissed them. One specific dream was this: I heard a song in the dream and thought, "that's an awesome song - I should write it down". Then I decided not to. Next I heard it on the radio (still in the dream) and I thought, "see, someone else wrote the song down and now it's on the radio." It wasn't until recently that I realized that what God was saying is that He will bless me with the songs but it's up to me to do something with them. If I don't, He'll just give them to someone who will!



Aside from dreams I've had several random people ask me if I was a singer. Always out of the blue and with no explanation. Bizarre. A friend had a dream that I was in an orchestra with her playing a cello. I've had ministry times that have emphasized worship in one way or another. It keeps coming up, again and again.



It came up at the women's conference: I felt really full of the Spirit but wanted more. I felt like God said, "go give some away and I will give you more" Off I went to pray for other women. After a meaningful ministry time with one particular woman she looked at me and said,

her: "I have a word for you:"
me: "bring it on!"
her: "Worship. Do you sing? Do you play any instruments?"
me: "No, and no."
her: "Do you want to?"
me: "I have a guitar but haven't learned to play yet..."
her: "Go home, and learn to play your guitar and God will bless you."



Wow. Seriously? That's huge. That's scary. What if I make a fool of myself? I guess at least I'll be a fool for Jesus.



When I got home I woke up one morning with a song. I wrote this one down :) I'd like more, please Jesus!