Massage Boards

Over the past week I've been studying for hours on end to prepare for my national board exam massage therapy and body work (after putting it off for, oh, let's say about six months). I don't think my brain has been expected to absorb that much information in that short of a time period in many many years. I felt pretty rusty, and though I was getting a lot of info to stick, I couldn't be completely sure that it was the right info.

While traveling to the test center I felt like I needed to be prepared for defeat. I was mentally positioning myself to be OK with having to spend an additional $225 to retake my exam after I failed it. In the midst of the mental prep work I was doing, I decided to pray for a miracle instead. Yes, I had studied A LOT over the past week, but quite honestly I didn't do much else to prepare before then. I kept putting it off. I didn't have the energy or focus to even think about taking the test. I felt really emotionally (and physically) overwhelmed by the series of miscarriages and all the events surrounding them and studying for a test was the last thing I wanted to do.

But the powers that be enforce a deadline for a reason, for people like me. The procrastinators. I had to pick a date and it ended up being Saturday, December 22nd. The timing couldn't have been more stressful with the holidays fast approaching and many Christmas obligations to think about as well as the unanticipated HSG and infertility specialist visit. My plate has been full, but instead of a full plate of gourmet delights it's felt like eating frozen t.v. dinners that were cooked in a microwave. (The microwave part is only funny if you know about our nearly psychotic aversion to microwaves and the fact that I'd rather not eat than eat something that I know was nuked. We don't even own a microwave anymore - we sold it at a church garage sale a couple of years ago :)

So back to the test. I sat down in my little cubby hole with a PC set up for the exam. My test was multiple choice (thank God, seriously!) but many other people taking other types of exams obviously had to type essays. I tried the soundproof headphones they provided but then I could hear my own heart beating in my head and I thought I would go insane so I had to remove them and accept the clickety clicking on either side of me as part of the experience.

I would venture to say that I positively knew one out of every five questions. It didn't take me long to start reinforcing my earlier thoughts of mental preparedness for failure. I was taking note as to what I should study for next time and even considering which study guides I should purchase for the next time around.

Again, I prayed for a miracle and asked Jesus to just highlight the correct answers for me even if I had not a glimpse of a clue (this was the majority of the test for me). I remember feeling like I just spent the whole prior week studying all the wrong stuff, or at least just not going deep enough. I think the only thing that saved me (aside from Jesus of course) was the fact that I had a pretty decent understanding of Traditional Chinese Medicine and there were several questions about TCM on the exam.

After I finally completed the test the system made me take a survey and then that was it! I knew others had told me that they were told right away if they passed or failed - but they all passed. I must have failed if the computer wasn't telling me. I prayed again for a miracle. As I was leaving one of the attendants (who I have to just say didn't seem to have a clue what he was doing) told me to just sign out and my results would be mailed to me.

I knew I had failed for sure. I had to have failed. Just as I was leaving the other attendant came back in from break and asked if I had gotten my printout. I obviously hadn't so she got it for me. It was a letter. I didn't even really want to read it, I figured it was info about rescheduling. Then I saw the magic word. Congratulations! I was completely shocked, confused, amazed, grateful, crying and more all within only a few seconds. How could this be? I passed! Holy holy - praise God. Miracles do happen. And they really do happen to me.

Thank you Jesus, thank you for hearing me. Thank you for carrying me. Thank you for being everything for me.